Dealing with shadow work, healing trauma, and the emotional lash outs

I have been sitting on this question. Analysing. Pondering. Surmising and theorizing.

There’s parts of me that have always been and still are constantly actively working at maintaining some elements of sanity and coherence in an otherwise disordered and cruel world.

I know that for me things are slightly different than most. I loathe grounding. My senses are far too keen for me to detach completely. For most people it is exactly the opposite. However, what is similar for everyone is finding a balance between the earthy grounding, and the “ungrounding”.

Reality is good!

I think that one important aspect of healing is understanding that reality can be a positive experience. The way I see it is that whatever we do that is not strictly connected to reality (such as any kind of escapism) is not to “escape” reality, but it is to help me enjoy reality.

Everyone is different, but here are some aspects of reality that I like. The sun on my skin, even in winter. The wind, the rain. The flashes of lightning accompanied by the sounds of thunder. The aroma of a crunchy fish and chips. The laughter of people sitting on a park bench.

There are many reasons why we can think that reality is good. Many reason that make it worth it to live in this reality.

However, there are also many reasons why reality can be painful, challenging, scary! And I guess that’s what the expression “take the rough with the smooth” mean.

Productive escapism!

So, sometimes reality is good. That is great, we enjoy it (unless of course we undermine ourselves, but that’s a different can of worms).

But there are hard times too. And we have two choices with these: fight of flight. We can use escapism to the fullest sense of the word. Flight can be reassuring. It can feel safe.

However, in my experience, most often running away can only provide a temporary reprieve. It does not make life better. The fear that caused us to run will be there. Festering in the depths of our minds and souls.

Some say that people have different personalities. Some are fighters, some not. While there is some truth in it, a lot of the “fighting” instinct is genetically built into us. It’s more a matter of energy than it is of attitude/aptitude.

Sometimes we are just too tired to fight. Or too scared. Or too … whatever.

So, I use constructive/productive escapism. It is part and parcel of my self-love package.

I set aside time for self-whatever.

Sometimes it takes the form of daydreaming, fantasizing, detaching completely from the world. That can be by going into a world of my own making or sometimes just allowing dissociation to express itself.

Other times this “me time” takes the shape of very specific types of meditation. Can be healing, transcendental, or whatever else my brain can come up. Sometimes it can even include out-of-body experiences, lucid dreaming, etc.

What I found is that instead of committing to a specific action, I will let my brain (and my heart) guide me. So, instead of thinking: now I’m going to meditate, then later I will be introspective, after that I will practice some self-love, etc. I simply set the time aside, put some background music on, and let self-care take whatever shape it needs to be.

Music too can vary greatly. I do have favourite tracks, but I let my mood decide what to do. Avicii is suitable for dancing, but also for meditating … sometimes … binaural beats can help meditating or just plain daydreaming … and so on.

It has taken me a few years to learn various forms of self-love that my “me” finds useful, productive, and fulfilling. And I am still learning every day. As we progress on our journey our “rescue” can be provided differently. My meditations today are very different from those I used to do a few years back, for example.


I have rambled on enough so I’ll try to summarise in one single paragraph.

For me, the way to deal with life is a balance between physical and non-physical realities. I move fluidly between the two to supply my body, mind, heart, and soul with the nurture and nourishment they need for me to survive, and occasionally even thrive.

I hope this makes sense and that it is useful to someone 💜

Originally posted on Quora