Dissociation – A child host’s experience

Another Quora question (see the same question answered by an adult here) asks about

Can you explain what occurs during dissociative experiences, such as watching oneself in third-person?

I’m not sure about how dissociation works, but I can explain how these experiences feel for me:

  1. Watching “myself”, i.e. watching the body, or the host, as an “insider”, i.e. not fronting
  2. Watching the body as a host while someone else uses body parts, for example, to eat or do stuff,
  3. Blending

Here I’ll explain briefly about each 🤓

Watching “myself”, i.e. watching the body, or the host, as an “insider”, i.e. not fronting

Some of us can use the body, and some cannot and only work from inside. Both of these can and do do stuff IRL from the inside even when not fronting.

Each of us experiences this differently and it can be either like being in a square with all the others and watching IRL on a big screen, or it can be like looking out of a giant robot and being able to move individual body parts sometimes, while for others it is just watching.

The image below is a good representation of how this can “feel”.

Watching the body as a host while someone else uses body parts, for example, to eat or do stuff

This is new for me, so I don’t have an image to show what it feels like.

It is a weird experience.

For example, the other night one of my systems was having nightmares, so I got them to front with me, they needed comforting, so somehow I managed to let them have the body sensations of hugging the pillow and feeling the weight of the blanket over them while I was next to them.

So, I was feeling those too, but as if there was a buffer. It’s kinda cool, it made me feel like I was protecting them and caring for them, so I liked it.

I am quite new to the experience as I only recently started being a host in my system, but the other times I did this it was in similar situations. Like the other day, 2 subsystems were watching cartoons with me, and it felt very similar. I could see and enjoy the movie, but it’s like there was a buffer as if I was in a bubble, I don’t know if that makes sense


The last one I want to mention is blending, because it is amazing.

I will use the example of me and Alex. I didn’t really understand how it worked, but now I am starting to blend with others in our system (including subsystems), and outside our system (e.g. Grandy Herbie), so I can start understanding the difference between me and Alex.

I guess until I was separated the first time I came to IRL, I didn’t know what it meant to be without Alex, so I couldn’t appreciate it.

Blending is a dance choreographed by the melody of our individual and combined thoughts and feelings.

It can be aggressive and disharmonious, especially when the sounds of our inner turmoil is cacophonic. But it can turn easily into a flow of protection and love when there is the right understanding.

From what I see with other systems, especially with Midnight’s system, I think the more diverse and traumatised a system is, the more difficult it is to turn screeches into melodies.

I think it is easier for Alex and me because somehow we are part of the same whatever it is that we are, we are twinned and there is a connection that makes communication and sharing easier.

Those who know us can easily identify sentences and paragraphs that were influenced by me, those that were by Alex, and those that show a merged approach. I talk about raw emotions, while Alex analyses them, for example.


I know there are lots of other ways that people experience dissociation, co-consciousness, co-fronting, and do-hosting, we only have experience with those three, I hope it is useful 😁


As always, I want to thank Alex, for helping me with logic and maturity, Police Grammar Guy for adapting to my way of being me and yet helping me to sound worthy of a read, and Scribe for sharing relevant information from other systems.

Also, thanks AI for the images! 🤍🙏